Everyone always wants to know whether or not a new bride is planning on changing her name. In some circles it assumed that she will and if she does not she is some sort of crazy feminist. In other circles it is viewed as the brides choice. I chose to change mine for the practical purpose that my husband's last name was more pronounceable than mine. This may not matter to you if you do not interact with a large number of non-Jewish people in your profession, however in medical school it is always easier when your patients feel like they know what to call you.
One argument against changing your name is that if you have published articles or built a reputation in a certain field under your maiden name it may not be worth starting over with the new name. I know some people who use the married name in real life and the maiden name for work. Is this legal? Well actually, yes. While you should always check things over your lawyer and accountant there is an old legal tradition that whatever you are called is in fact your name.
For those interested in having documentary proof of their name change here are some of the steps you need to take:
By far the easiest route to change your name is by doing so on your marriage certificate. (Men you can also change your name on your marriage certificate if you are so inclined). You will get the certificate back in a month or so at which point you should make many copies. You then use the copy as proof of your name change. It is that easy. You are going to get the license anyway. Might as well kill two birds with one stone. If you have neglected to take care of this on the marraige certificate then things get dicey. You need to fill out a form and appear before a judge to explain the name change. Note that you can do this for any name change. If you want to be called 'little bird' you can appear before a judge, forms in hand of course, married or not and have your name changed. Of course the judge can always turn you down, so don't go trying to become "Osamma Rules" or something like that. That could appear suspicious. This may differ from state to state but the basic idea is the same almost anywhere.
Once you've got the marriage license head down to the DMV and change your license. While you will have to wait on a long line there is good news: you get to take a new photo! Also, print and fill out the apropriate form from the DMV website in advance to save time.
To change your passport you must do so by mail. (Unless you do not all ready have a passport or your passport is all ready expired. Then you must go in person to a post office). Print the appropriate forms from the passport office and mail in your old passport, the forms, a copy of the marraige license and new passport photos. The new passport will arrive in the mail in about one to two months. If you are planning on taking a honey moon soon after the wedding you may want to book flights with your old name and delay sending away for a new passport until you get back. This way you will not have to worry about the passports arival.
Showing posts with label brides. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brides. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Brides: Thoughts on Covering your Hair
Disclaimer: Whether or not to cover your hair is a very personal religious decision. Discussing that decision is not the purpose of this post, although it may be the subject of a future post. Instead, for the ladies that have decided to cover their hair this is a post about ways to find head coverings that work for you.
There are many ways to cover your hair, some more expensive than other, some covering more than others, some more practical than others. Here's a guide to the head coverings that I have experience with and some personal asides about what I think about them. Hopefully this will help you decide what to invest in.
Full Sheitels/Wigs: These are cumbersome and expensive and require a good styler to look natural. However once you get a good style they look pretty natural. They even come in straight, wavy and curly. This is the head covering of choice for most Brooklyn women. There are some people out there who feel they are too much liken natural hair and should not be considered hair covering. I for one can always tell when a women is wearing a sheitel. There's just this 'look'. The biggest downside is that they re expensive, especially if you want custom human hair. You can save by going with out of the box synthetics but they just won't look as good. Plus there's maintenance - you have to give these bad boys in o be washed and set every now and again just as you would real hair. They are great for weddings and fancy occasions but not so great for day to day activities if you have a messy job. You want to try one on before investing. Ome people find the weight on their head or the itch bothers them. Others love the way they look and feel great in them.
Falls: A more casual, natural looking sheitel that covers most of your head but not all. The front end is not finished in a way that you can wear it plain. Instead you must wear a headband or if you are comfortable with it, take of piece of your own hair out in front to cover the wig line. These look very natural but the price tag is still steep. These are my head covering of choice for fancy occasions and weddings. I made some of the rhinestone and feather headbands to dress up the look. However once again, there is maintenance and you do not want to wear these to messy work situations. Alwys tr on before you purchase.
Hat Falls: To me these are a large waste of money. They are meant to be worn under hats and so the top is just a net and towards you have hair that will stick out under your hat. You can get the same effect by putting a hat over your regular fall. It will be a snugger fit, but how often are you in a "I need to wear a hat over this fall and it doesn't fit" situation? And these are not very versatile. You must wear a hat. You cannot take the hat off.
Kippah Falls/wiglets: This is for people who are OK with showing a lot their own hair. the wiglet sits on the crown off your head and you take pieces of hair out from all around the sides of your head to blend it in. This is what those little girls in beauty pageants wear to add volume. Again there is maintenance and cost to consider. You can usually get 2 wiglets made out of the hair from one sheitel/fall. The look is super natural, sometimes you cannot even tell someone is wearing one.
Ponytail wigs: Exactly what they sound like. You have hair but it's off our face in a ponytail. People in health care fields swear by these as they look good but do not get in the way of work. Maintenance and cost are still an issue.
Hats/baseball caps: These are great no fuss head coverings. You buy them once and upkeep is minimal. However many people feel awkward not having any hair show at all, so you should look at yourself in the mirror and decide if this is the look for you. One thing that bothered me about the baseball/newsboy hats was that they were interfering with my peripheral vision. However, if you have been accustomed to wearing these before then they are a great way to transition. Just tuck up your pony instead of leaving it sticking out. They are great for messy work conditions but not great for professional working conditions and for people in certain service industries.
Mitpachot: Those lovely Israeli do-rags. You buy them once and upkeep is minimal. It also solves the peripheral vision issue. However there aren't that many places around here to buy them. And the places that do exist are often super expensive. Most people I know got them in Israel. I have started turning old silk scarves into mitpachot. It looks pretty cute. Again, ideal for some work situations but not for others.
Bandannas: Great for people with messy jobs. However, in some situations you run the risk of people assuming you have cancer unless there is some hair sticking out. You buy them once and then maintenance is low. Be careful when washing though: make sure their color will not run onto your other clothes.
I personally, prefer a combination of bandannas for work and falls for nicer events. It's all about finding what makes you comfortable and happy and is in your budget. Good Luck!
There are many ways to cover your hair, some more expensive than other, some covering more than others, some more practical than others. Here's a guide to the head coverings that I have experience with and some personal asides about what I think about them. Hopefully this will help you decide what to invest in.
Full Sheitels/Wigs: These are cumbersome and expensive and require a good styler to look natural. However once you get a good style they look pretty natural. They even come in straight, wavy and curly. This is the head covering of choice for most Brooklyn women. There are some people out there who feel they are too much liken natural hair and should not be considered hair covering. I for one can always tell when a women is wearing a sheitel. There's just this 'look'. The biggest downside is that they re expensive, especially if you want custom human hair. You can save by going with out of the box synthetics but they just won't look as good. Plus there's maintenance - you have to give these bad boys in o be washed and set every now and again just as you would real hair. They are great for weddings and fancy occasions but not so great for day to day activities if you have a messy job. You want to try one on before investing. Ome people find the weight on their head or the itch bothers them. Others love the way they look and feel great in them.
Falls: A more casual, natural looking sheitel that covers most of your head but not all. The front end is not finished in a way that you can wear it plain. Instead you must wear a headband or if you are comfortable with it, take of piece of your own hair out in front to cover the wig line. These look very natural but the price tag is still steep. These are my head covering of choice for fancy occasions and weddings. I made some of the rhinestone and feather headbands to dress up the look. However once again, there is maintenance and you do not want to wear these to messy work situations. Alwys tr on before you purchase.
Hat Falls: To me these are a large waste of money. They are meant to be worn under hats and so the top is just a net and towards you have hair that will stick out under your hat. You can get the same effect by putting a hat over your regular fall. It will be a snugger fit, but how often are you in a "I need to wear a hat over this fall and it doesn't fit" situation? And these are not very versatile. You must wear a hat. You cannot take the hat off.
Kippah Falls/wiglets: This is for people who are OK with showing a lot their own hair. the wiglet sits on the crown off your head and you take pieces of hair out from all around the sides of your head to blend it in. This is what those little girls in beauty pageants wear to add volume. Again there is maintenance and cost to consider. You can usually get 2 wiglets made out of the hair from one sheitel/fall. The look is super natural, sometimes you cannot even tell someone is wearing one.
Ponytail wigs: Exactly what they sound like. You have hair but it's off our face in a ponytail. People in health care fields swear by these as they look good but do not get in the way of work. Maintenance and cost are still an issue.
Hats/baseball caps: These are great no fuss head coverings. You buy them once and upkeep is minimal. However many people feel awkward not having any hair show at all, so you should look at yourself in the mirror and decide if this is the look for you. One thing that bothered me about the baseball/newsboy hats was that they were interfering with my peripheral vision. However, if you have been accustomed to wearing these before then they are a great way to transition. Just tuck up your pony instead of leaving it sticking out. They are great for messy work conditions but not great for professional working conditions and for people in certain service industries.
Mitpachot: Those lovely Israeli do-rags. You buy them once and upkeep is minimal. It also solves the peripheral vision issue. However there aren't that many places around here to buy them. And the places that do exist are often super expensive. Most people I know got them in Israel. I have started turning old silk scarves into mitpachot. It looks pretty cute. Again, ideal for some work situations but not for others.
Bandannas: Great for people with messy jobs. However, in some situations you run the risk of people assuming you have cancer unless there is some hair sticking out. You buy them once and then maintenance is low. Be careful when washing though: make sure their color will not run onto your other clothes.
I personally, prefer a combination of bandannas for work and falls for nicer events. It's all about finding what makes you comfortable and happy and is in your budget. Good Luck!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Brides: Thank you notes
I know that all a new bride can think of is the upcoming wedding and everything beyond seems like one happy blur, but a little planning now can save you a lot of time later. Right now you may be receiving gifts from that registry you made. That's great! But each of those gifts comes with the responsibility to fill out a thank you card, and you don't want to forget anyone. Here's some quick simple tips to getting those cards out on time and in order.
1) Order/purchase the cards you will use now. This way you don't have to scrounge after the wedding and you can fill them out at your leisure.
2)Order extra cards, especially if you are using a monogram or personalized name card. These will cover you for all the "Dear Uncle Sarah" slips of the pen. These cards are great to have around anyway for when you give people gifts.
3) Keep a list of every gift you received. Start it now. This instant. The minute you get a gift start the list and keep it somewhere you will not loose it. I suggest using google docs or the thank you manager that comes with your registry so you and your fiancee can both update it. Plus unless the internet is destroyed you will not loose it. And let's face it, if the entire internet is destroyed no one is going to remember about your thank you notes. Write the persons name, the gift they gave you, and if you have it, their address. This will help you personalize the note you write. Look at the card for the correct spelling.
4) Remember that massive list of addresses that you compiled to put on your invitations? Use it. Print all the addresses on clear labels and store in a safe place. When it's card time you can just slap them on.
5) If you can't manage items 3 & 4 at least keep a shopping bag where you throw in all the cards from the gifts you receive. If you loose those them, you are toast. (Unless you have an amazon registry. They have a thank you manager that updates automatically).
6) Fill some out now, in your spare time. You can mail them after the wedding.
7) Buy stamps. Many, many stamps.
8) The early bird catches the worm. I cannot tell you how many people commented on how quickly they got my cards. They still remembered it six months later. If you are not going away then start writing. Carry the cards around to school, to work, and fill them out in your spare time. If you are going away fill out as many as possible before and finish the rest immediately upon returning. I found that it took me forever to fill out the few cards that I did not get out early. Procrastination is a tough habit to break.
9) Recruit your husband if you think his handwriting is passable.
10) This is not really a tip on being efficient. It's a tip on not being tacky. For the people who gave you cash and/or checks do not under any circumstances write "thanks for the money" or something of that version. "Thank you for your generous gift" is much easier on the ears. For others you can mention the gift by name "Thank you for the lovely Challah knife. We think of you every week when we use it on Shabbat" is sweet and personal.
Remember these thank you notes actually mean something to people. Some people use it to make sure you got the gift (Especially people who give you an envelope of cash during the dancing). Others just take it as a sign that young people are not forgetting the niceties of society. Are they frustrating? yes. But if you follow these tips and fill them out as they come in they will be much more enjoyable.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Brides: Where to Register?
One of my best friends is getting engaged soon. In honor of the occasion I thought I'd kick off some posts sharing tips I learned when I was engaged. Registering for gifts is one of the most fun activities of the newly engaged process, and you might be tempted to just jump right in and register everywhere. But beware new kallah, there are some serious registry pitfalls to avoid and some ways to get the most out of your registry.
Why register in the first place? It's a service to yourself and your guests. While many of your guests might be the type to give you checks or cash, others may prefer to give you non-monetary gifts. Having a registry makes shopping much easier for them. Some wedding guests enjoy picking out a gift on their own but like to look at your registry for a sense of your taste and the items you need. Having a registry also lets people know what you've all ready received. Avoid receiving twelve silver serving platters, some of which you have no idea where to return or exchange, and register. Registries also come in handy if you are having a bridal shower. Besides, it's fun!
How many retailers should you register with? That depends on how much traffic you expect your registry to receive. If you expect few people to use it, registering at only one store may be appropriate for you. If this is the case try to pick a place that is convenient for most of your guests. If you are expecting more people to use your registry you may want to register at several locations. Each place has it's benefits and drawbacks (see below) and different guests like to shop at different places. Just remember if you are cross listing items, make sure you can return them in case you get multiples.
How do you get your future husband to come with you? Well, some people may prefer to leave him at home. But if you are the type that would like his input (I was!) and he is reluctant to come, you have a few options. First let him know that many stores give you a scan gun that you walk around the store with. You scan items you like and they magically appear on your list. Promise him that he can wield the scanner. You'd be surprised how well this works. The siren call of a cool gadget has wooed many men into accompanying their brides to the department store. If this does not work you may consider letting him update your registry from the comfort of his own home. Most stores allow you to update your registry via the web. This is also a great option for brides who do not have the time to spend visiting house-ware departments. Online registration can take place 24 hours a day at your convenience.
How will people know about your registry? They will ask you or a close friend or they will search fro you at sites such as wedding channel.com. You should never give this information unsolicited or print it on your shower invitations. This makes you look like a gift-grubber and is extremely tacky. Your friends will help spread the word and people who are interested are not shy about asking.
Perks: Stores that participate in bridal rewards programs show you how to get free gifts from companies when you register for their items. Most retailers also give you 10% of items on your registry that were not purchased for you. This includes furniture!
Where to Register? There are lots of places each with it's own perks. Here's a listing of the most popular places. I prefer retailers that allow guests to view your registry online as this makes their life easier and they can ship things directly to you.
1) Bed Bath and Beyond: This is one of the most popular places to register. They have a relatively large selection. Registration is in store and online. Most of your guests will have heard of it. Best Features: You can return things for cash so long as they were purchased from your registry. Your friends can use those 20% off coupons. They will ship to your home. Participates in bridal rewards programs. Drawbacks: The prices are not great, they do not carry every brand.
2)Macys: One of the largest wedding retailers there is. Allows you to register online and in store. Most guests will have heard of it. Best Features: Ease of registering, participates in bridal rewards program plus has its own rewards program. They will ship to your home. Drawbacks: Price is not great, returns are with packing slip and only for store credit or exchange.
3)Williams-Sonoma: This is solely for kitchen type items. A fnacy schmancy gourmets store with all sorts of gadgets and gizmos. Registry updates online or in store. Best Features: Some very sophisticated products that cannot be found elsewhere. They will ship to your home. Drawbacks: This is an extremely pricey store. Returns are only for store credit. You cannot register for cleaning/bathroom/bedroom items.
4)Crate and Barrel: This store has your run of the mill items as well as furniture. Registry is online and in store. Best Features: Variety of cool lamps and the like. Will ship to your home. Drawbacks: Price is high. Selection of kitchen items is not great.
5) Amazon: The huge onlne retailer is now handling registries. Everyone knows the website. Online registration only. Best Features: GIANT selection of every posible item. Will ship to your home. Fantastic thank-you note manager feature. Great prices. Drawbacks: Returns are confusing so you must make sure you want to keep everything you get. You cannot see the items in real life, unless you find them at some other retailer. Sometimes the giant selection can be overwhleming. Your guests must have internet capabilities.
6) Bloomingdales: Large department store. Has some higher end vases and decorative items. Registration is online and in store. Best Features: Will ship to your home. Participates in bridal rewards programs. Good selection of high end items. Drawbacks: High prices. Return for store credit only.
7) Charity: For those who prefer their gifts go to charity there are services out there that will handle this for you. Online only. Best Feature: If this is what you want they make it easy for you to do. Drawbacks: Not all of your guests want to go this route. They may want to give you a gift whether you want it or not. Your guests need internet capabilities.
8)PotteryBarn: Furniture and housewares. Registration online and in store. Best Features: Furniture. Will ship to your home. Participates in registry rewards. Drawbacks: Price is not great. Returns are for credit or exchange only.
9)Travelers Joy: You allow people to make donations towards different travel items you are planning: your honeymoon airfare, hotel stay etc. Registration online only. Best Features: You put gifts towards a nice experience together. Drawback: Your guests may prefer to just give you cash and let you deal with it yourselves. Guests need internet access.
10)Tiffany's: The store with the little blue boxes also has fine china and some housweares. Registration online and in store. Best Features: Many high end items. Drawbacks: Outrageous prices.
11) Adelaide's Alley: 517 kingshighway and east 3rd street in brooklyn. Cute assortment of housewares in brooklyn. Best Features: Extremely nice staff that is flexible on returns and guides you through registration. Carries great items. Drawbacks: You and your guests must be Brooklynites. Return for exchange or credit only. The items are great but selection is limited. They only deliver in Brooklyn.
12) The Yellow Door: A clasic brooklyn store with some online capabilities. You can start your registry online but it's a long process. Best Features: Handpicked items Drawbacks: You and your guests should be familiar with the Brooklyn store. Prices are not great.
13)East Side China: The famed Brooklyn China store now has a website but you need to go in to register. Best Features: AMAZING prices. Will return for cash. Drawbacks: You and your guests need to be familiar with brooklyn or boro park. They ship in the tri-state area only.
What should you register for? This is a post in itself and I will get working on it shortly!
Why register in the first place? It's a service to yourself and your guests. While many of your guests might be the type to give you checks or cash, others may prefer to give you non-monetary gifts. Having a registry makes shopping much easier for them. Some wedding guests enjoy picking out a gift on their own but like to look at your registry for a sense of your taste and the items you need. Having a registry also lets people know what you've all ready received. Avoid receiving twelve silver serving platters, some of which you have no idea where to return or exchange, and register. Registries also come in handy if you are having a bridal shower. Besides, it's fun!
How many retailers should you register with? That depends on how much traffic you expect your registry to receive. If you expect few people to use it, registering at only one store may be appropriate for you. If this is the case try to pick a place that is convenient for most of your guests. If you are expecting more people to use your registry you may want to register at several locations. Each place has it's benefits and drawbacks (see below) and different guests like to shop at different places. Just remember if you are cross listing items, make sure you can return them in case you get multiples.
How do you get your future husband to come with you? Well, some people may prefer to leave him at home. But if you are the type that would like his input (I was!) and he is reluctant to come, you have a few options. First let him know that many stores give you a scan gun that you walk around the store with. You scan items you like and they magically appear on your list. Promise him that he can wield the scanner. You'd be surprised how well this works. The siren call of a cool gadget has wooed many men into accompanying their brides to the department store. If this does not work you may consider letting him update your registry from the comfort of his own home. Most stores allow you to update your registry via the web. This is also a great option for brides who do not have the time to spend visiting house-ware departments. Online registration can take place 24 hours a day at your convenience.
How will people know about your registry? They will ask you or a close friend or they will search fro you at sites such as wedding channel.com. You should never give this information unsolicited or print it on your shower invitations. This makes you look like a gift-grubber and is extremely tacky. Your friends will help spread the word and people who are interested are not shy about asking.
Perks: Stores that participate in bridal rewards programs show you how to get free gifts from companies when you register for their items. Most retailers also give you 10% of items on your registry that were not purchased for you. This includes furniture!
Where to Register? There are lots of places each with it's own perks. Here's a listing of the most popular places. I prefer retailers that allow guests to view your registry online as this makes their life easier and they can ship things directly to you.
1) Bed Bath and Beyond: This is one of the most popular places to register. They have a relatively large selection. Registration is in store and online. Most of your guests will have heard of it. Best Features: You can return things for cash so long as they were purchased from your registry. Your friends can use those 20% off coupons. They will ship to your home. Participates in bridal rewards programs. Drawbacks: The prices are not great, they do not carry every brand.
2)Macys: One of the largest wedding retailers there is. Allows you to register online and in store. Most guests will have heard of it. Best Features: Ease of registering, participates in bridal rewards program plus has its own rewards program. They will ship to your home. Drawbacks: Price is not great, returns are with packing slip and only for store credit or exchange.
3)Williams-Sonoma: This is solely for kitchen type items. A fnacy schmancy gourmets store with all sorts of gadgets and gizmos. Registry updates online or in store. Best Features: Some very sophisticated products that cannot be found elsewhere. They will ship to your home. Drawbacks: This is an extremely pricey store. Returns are only for store credit. You cannot register for cleaning/bathroom/bedroom items.
4)Crate and Barrel: This store has your run of the mill items as well as furniture. Registry is online and in store. Best Features: Variety of cool lamps and the like. Will ship to your home. Drawbacks: Price is high. Selection of kitchen items is not great.
5) Amazon: The huge onlne retailer is now handling registries. Everyone knows the website. Online registration only. Best Features: GIANT selection of every posible item. Will ship to your home. Fantastic thank-you note manager feature. Great prices. Drawbacks: Returns are confusing so you must make sure you want to keep everything you get. You cannot see the items in real life, unless you find them at some other retailer. Sometimes the giant selection can be overwhleming. Your guests must have internet capabilities.
6) Bloomingdales: Large department store. Has some higher end vases and decorative items. Registration is online and in store. Best Features: Will ship to your home. Participates in bridal rewards programs. Good selection of high end items. Drawbacks: High prices. Return for store credit only.
7) Charity: For those who prefer their gifts go to charity there are services out there that will handle this for you. Online only. Best Feature: If this is what you want they make it easy for you to do. Drawbacks: Not all of your guests want to go this route. They may want to give you a gift whether you want it or not. Your guests need internet capabilities.
8)PotteryBarn: Furniture and housewares. Registration online and in store. Best Features: Furniture. Will ship to your home. Participates in registry rewards. Drawbacks: Price is not great. Returns are for credit or exchange only.
9)Travelers Joy: You allow people to make donations towards different travel items you are planning: your honeymoon airfare, hotel stay etc. Registration online only. Best Features: You put gifts towards a nice experience together. Drawback: Your guests may prefer to just give you cash and let you deal with it yourselves. Guests need internet access.
10)Tiffany's: The store with the little blue boxes also has fine china and some housweares. Registration online and in store. Best Features: Many high end items. Drawbacks: Outrageous prices.
11) Adelaide's Alley: 517 kingshighway and east 3rd street in brooklyn. Cute assortment of housewares in brooklyn. Best Features: Extremely nice staff that is flexible on returns and guides you through registration. Carries great items. Drawbacks: You and your guests must be Brooklynites. Return for exchange or credit only. The items are great but selection is limited. They only deliver in Brooklyn.
12) The Yellow Door: A clasic brooklyn store with some online capabilities. You can start your registry online but it's a long process. Best Features: Handpicked items Drawbacks: You and your guests should be familiar with the Brooklyn store. Prices are not great.
13)East Side China: The famed Brooklyn China store now has a website but you need to go in to register. Best Features: AMAZING prices. Will return for cash. Drawbacks: You and your guests need to be familiar with brooklyn or boro park. They ship in the tri-state area only.
What should you register for? This is a post in itself and I will get working on it shortly!
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